The first time I saw him, he was up on stage. His auburn hair shone from the stage lights, and he held his guitar with this affirming ease. I felt awkward and insignificant, standing there only a few meters away...especially when he glanced everywhere, but my way. His presence in a room made me oddly aware of my own, as I would always straighten up, and play with my hair when he came by. His smile was contagious, and his voice was like a melody. Girls (and guys) swooned over his appearance. He had that affect on many. He stole the hearts of many.
I remember the crisp autumn day when I walked into the threshold of the McDonalds nearby. I contemplated on a McChicken or just a Large Fry. A cough broke my stare and hesitant thoughts from the menu overhead, as he stood there shifting his weight from one foot to the other, in his blue hat and apron. A small smile quirked passively on my face, as I tried to gain composure. “How can I help you today?” He asked averting his gaze. “I think I’ll have a Large Fry and a Diet Coke.” I said courteously, mustering all the confidence within me. “That will be $3.78... we’re closing in 20.” My mouth was left open, agape, as he walked swiftly away.
A few months later which seemed like weeks, Second Semester began. I was in my second period Writers Craft class, writing down a note that was already put up on the overhead. An individual sat down to the empty seat on my left, as I wrote down the date. I looked up quickly and saw it was him. My body stiffened as my pulse began to race. I looked at his tired, hard expression upon his face. His lips thinned, and his brows creased as he took the note with ease and arrogantly didn’t say a word to me. My heart sinked within the next ten minutes of class, as I realized this boy wasn’t who I hoped he would be.
“You should come!” Mia whined, sitting on the edge of my bed with anxiousness. I tilted my head contemplatively, at my already-made-bag of popcorn, and rented DVD’s. My feet felt warm in my wool slippers, and my around-the-house wardrobe was already put on. “Just change out of your sweats...and straighten your hair.. the party is at 9! I’ll wait in the hall.” She snatched my bag of popcorn, and took my Vanity Fair. “You better not get drunk and ditch my ass like you always do M!” I yelled into the hallway, she just giggled in response and went back to her Horoscope. “I guess this little shindig..... could be just what I need” I rolled my eyes and thought anyhow, as I slid on my black skinny jeans.
When we walked into the room, it was full of indistinct voices and a distinct smell of weed. We already came buzzed..but didn’t reject the excess amount of liquor and cron as they started to do another round of shots, and another bowl that was being packed consistently. My head began to spin, and my words were slurring, as he walked through the threshold carrying another pack of beer. My head began to pound, and I tried to fix my hair and put on a noticeable grin, when he came by.“Jere!” Some guy with dreads and a large sleeve tattoo yelled, patting him on the back. He grinned and greeted some others, walking into the backyard.. not even momentarily looking at me, sprawled upon the couch with Mia and some others. "Who's house is this anyway?" Mia asked curiously. I shook my head and took another swig from my cup. I averted my gaze to a window overlooking the backyard. There he was, taking a drag from a cigarette, standing alone. My insides churned and my thoughts wheeled, wanting so desperately to go out and meet him. However, my body disobeyed.. so I stayed with the people I could barely remember their names of. My heart ached as I took in a slow breath, he probably wouldn't care less about me anyways.
Voices grew louder, and the smell grew ambient throughout the house. Soon going to pee was out of the question, as idiotic girls who didn’t know their liquor consumption made it unavailable. More bodies filled up the empty space within the house, and music blared loudly from several speakers. “So I might try and apply to Mac, hopefully if my average stays consistent throughout this term.... Have you taken any Sciences? I find it quite intriguing, I think I want to go into Neuro...Or maybe just General Surgery.. but can you imagine the tuition? For Res? And Medical School? God..” A guy with blonde curls and a small build was rambling on, trying to fight the volume of the music, and utterly unaware of anyone but me. I nodded oblivious to what he was going on about academically, as I refilled my red cup and scanned the room for Jeremy. “Cindy!?” A girl yelled absentmindedly, hugging me from behind. “Um...No..Sorry” I pulled away a little disgusted, the stench of liquor pouring off of her. I then quickly and headed into another room, sick of everyone being within my proximity, but mostly I was in search for Mia. I was nudged by elbows and shoulders visciously, as the people doubled in less than an hour, and now took up all of the living room, backyard, and hallways. I grew impatient and tired, as my blurry vision and unsteadiness from the buzz was affecting me. I saw Mia in a corner macking with the guy with dreads from earlier. “Hey-I er.. I migh’ try and get home..” My words jumbled as I attempted to get the keys from her butt pocket. “Mmmm mmm Mhmm mmm” She murmered. I rolled my eyes and scoffed, as I got the set of keys and left the room.
“Shit!” I spat furiously, pulling the gear shift maliciously. The car roared in response, and disobeyed whatever I did, shifting back and forth violently. I gave up after a few tries, and laid my head back, fully regretting going out tonight, and learning how to drive an automatic instead of a standard. I felt my chest moving in and out all too fast, and my head weighed all too heavily on the backrest. I laid there for a few moments, unaware how much time went by until a figure appeared at the window. “Hey...” He called, and knocked on the window. I looked up and saw Jeremy grinning teasingly at me. I sighed, unable to have full control of my movements, and rolled down the window sluggishly. “Having some trouble?” He asked cheesily. “Yeah..clearly” I groaned. He came around to the passenger side and got in the car. “Oh... it’s a standard.....damnit.” He sighed, and looked disappointed that he couldn’t help. We sat momentarily in silence until he cleared his throat, “So uh.. You’re Amberly right?” He said trying to diminish the tension in the air. “Yeah.. Amber, Amberly.. whatever floats your boat.” I said, words flowing off my tongue. “Did I just say... ‘whatever floats your boat?’” I thought, mentally smacking myself in the head. Trying to distract him from the lameness of how I last sounded, I rambled onwards, “You’re Jeremy right?...Haha..sooo, This party was a little shitty eh? ...but yeah, How’d you like it?” He smiled tiredly, “Yep Jeremy, and yeah..Well, this was my party.. My band and I played an important set tonight and this was the After Party.. but it kind of got crashed...evidently..” He admitted, ruffling his hair and looking out the window. He looked overwhelmed at the amount of people in his house. The bedrooms had likely been invaded as lights were on, and "off" in some, while throughout the downstairs voices bellowed. The music could be heard from yards away, and cars were parked all over part of the lawn, driveway, and road. The police were likely to show around 1. I felt a sensation prickle on the back of my neck, as my cheeks grew crimson. “Oh..Well.. It wasn’t bad..I mean you guys had some good stuff.” I again, attempted to contradict what I last said. He chuckled a little at my tone. “No worries, it was lame when all kinds of Niners showed up, and people from like.. Brampton..but yeah.. I suppose we had a good supply of booze and what not. Clearly that's what's keeping people staying” He grinned wearily. I fiddled with the keys, and took them out of the ignition. “Well I guess I won’t be getting home..and you probably have much better things to do than talking with me. You should probably get back to your party.” I sighed. He sighed too, as we watched more people come up to the house and go into the party, while others idiotically bustled out and fell onto the lawn covered in incandescent snow. Silence and hesitation filled the car, while we watched the chaos and a likely disaster waiting-to-happen outside. “Do you want to go somewhere?” He suddenly suggested, his eyes flickered with unfamiliar interest that I hadn’t seen before. Taken aback I agreed and we got out of Mia’s car, and went into his further down the road.
He drove absurdly fast, and blared some hardcore band I didn’t know the name of. The more miles we were away from the party, the more my heart felt like it was about to burst. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. He had permanent dimples on both sides of his cheeks, which made him look innocent and genuine. His hair was messy, as razored layers contrasted well into his eyes and made his cheekbones prominent. He was skinny but not lanky, and he was tall which made his posture graceful. I had to refrain myself from smiling, by looking out the window on my side. We stopped at the drive-thru at Wendy’s and he bought me a Large Fry and Milkshake without even asking my preferences. We then drove to the lake and sat on some rocks, near the edge of water. I shoved a few fries into my mouth sloppily, as it was surprisingly evident that I was still drunk. He grinned at my appetite and ate his Baconator by my side. The sight in front of us was astonishing, as the sky and the lake were blended together, one solid blue. The contrast of stars against the dark blanket ahead of us made my head whirl. “I usually come here when I write songs and stuff.” He told me softly. I nodded, “I write too..or I did..” I replied. “Really? Why’d you stop?” He asked turning to me. I looked at him straight in the eyes, and for once I felt insecure about the attention that I was now aware he was giving me. I looked at my lap and fiddled with the carton of half empty fries, murmuring I started, “I just.. lately.. have nothing to write about. This past year I just don’t know what to feel.. It feels like.. I’m not alive?.. Does that make sense?” I felt like an idiot, and I immediately regretted my insight I was pouring out to this boy. “No. It does.” He smiled inwardly at me, and didn’t look away from me this time. I looked away and laughed, “Yeah.. that’s why I’m never at Writer’s Craft.. if you.. noticed..” Rolling my eyes, I thought, "He probably didn't."
The moon and the stars were the only sights above us, and the only noises were crickets within the grasses and the rippling of water in front of us. Breifly, there was a comforting silence between us. We continued to scarf down our meals, and once in a while caught each other stealing glances at one another. “I’ve seen you around before, and I've definitely noticed your absences in that class.” He stated, his voice was faint and discreet, his smile was shy. “I know....I really have to work on that...And yeah, why we’ve never talked, I don’t know.” I agreed. My buzz was still evident, as I this time didn’t think before I said something. “You never seemed interested in talking to me when we’ve seen each other before.” I ate more fries as the silence grew, and he broke the intensified gaze, looking back at the lake. “I did want to talk to you..I always have..” He muttered almost incoherently. “Well, what stopped you?” I pressed. He sighed and threw a rock that skimmed the water. “The sight of you made me....it made everything...frightening.” I grimaced and looked away. “Frightening in a sense....where..” He trailed off and looked at me. “Where I was afraid, that if I got to know you, you would leave just as easy. So, I tried my hardest.. to suppress wanting to know you.. but you just kept turning up.. whenever I turned my head.” He grinned tired and confused, shaking his head, but then I looked at him and I was surprised at how serious he then looked. “I was scared to...to let someone so rare.. step into my life.” My mouth opened a little, I was unable to find the words I wanted to. “How am I... Rare?” I questioned. He stared at me with bewilderment. “You don’t see it do you?” I furrowed my brows, “See what?” I laughed inwardly and sipped my milkshake. “You don’t see the stares people give you...How your smile affects the entire room...The way your presence can pull the carpet right from under someone.” He sounded certain, abrupt. I laughed as if he were playing some trick on me. How can this boy, who has made me feel so insignificant...made me question myself... possibly be serious about all of what he just said? “You can’t honestly think this...you.. you have been the BIGGEST ass to me.. ever since I first saw you, ever since we first met..You're just like the rest of them really. I’m sorry, but I don’t know what you want from me. I have no clue who you think I am, but you're probably wrong.. I- I think.. I should just go..yeah..” I sputtered furiously yet awkwardly. I couldn’t believe this.. Was I that baked? How did I even let things get this far with someone I barely knew? How could I like someone.. like him? I started to get up when I felt a hand clasp around my own. I looked down and saw a brief look of hurt within his eyes. Jeremy sat me back down, “That’s what you think? You refuse to believe..that I could be different... that all of my actions are due to the reason that I have these.. incredible.. feelings for you?..... You really don’t see the big picture do you?!” He said humorously, but, his eyes showed no lies.
I crossed my arms and looked at him harder, than I had before. Anytime before the last hour or so, I was afraid to stare at this boy for longer than two heartbeats. But, I took him in, I looked at how I could still decipher his pale skin even throughout the darkness of the night. I could still see the five or six freckles that marked his nose. His dark green eyes were intense, but when he looked warm and content there were specks of hazel within them. His hair was wild and layered, razored layers contrasted beautifully against his cheeks. His hair looked thick..soft..and unbelievably messy.. all at once. His hair was the definition of himself, perplexing, original, aloof, and just.. incredible. Sitting here, on this rock, staring at him for god knows how long, I knew I wanted to kiss him. My lips burned, and yearned for his own to touch them. I saw that he looked me down just the same as I did to him, memorizing every attribute upon the outside. It was what was on the inside that was delicate, secretive, and complex.. it was what was on the inside that we both yearned to learn. Maybe, perhaps... it was my high.. that got me to this point. Without the influence...I would be at home on this saturday night.. depriving myself of realistic interaction..filling the space with movies, and books, and a world that was much better than my own. "What got me here?" I kept on thinking. I was angered, and scared all at once. I was confused, and tired, and outraged with this boy.. for making me feel.. for making me want to solve some sort of riddle we were decoding. I didn't know how long we were sitting in silence..staring one another down, but I abruptly became aware of it. “Well yes, I do..but it’s just.. so.. Unbelievable..” I shook my head, chuckling at how we went from innocent conversation to this weird.. passionate.. bickering. “Look I’m willing.. to start all over.” He whispered lightly, I could feel his breath on my neck. He sounded unsure of what else to say. Silence filled the space between us, and momentarily there was tension within the air. I thought about how much easier it would be to get up and run, to hurt him as he had hurt me many times previously this past year. I thought how much easier it would be thinking this was all a fib, all too perfect and cliché to be real. But I knew that this would be hard, as I saw him see my own hesitation.. his breathing was sharp and ragged. He waited for my response. I pondered and pondered, frozen. I was scared to make this all become real, all become out of hand. I was scared because I wasn't exactly sure what would happen next, what would happen tomorrow. I was frightened to let him in as well, as he was with me. I looked at him solemnly, his eyes held a genuine stare, and I felt his hands stroke my leg. The silence was almost loud to my ears, and I decided to follow my heart, let my head catch up another day. “How would you start?” I asked softly. I looked at him, as he slowly moved the hair from my face, and drew near.
“Hi, I’m Jeremy.”
Silence.
Shock.
“I’m Amber.”
He grinned at me. “You have some ketchup on your chin, and I’m sure you don’t want to go around with that on you.”
He reached over and rubbed it off, but then kept his hands cupped around my face.
We both closed our mouths and gazed inwardly at each other. I inhaled sharply as I realized what was going to happen next, we both leant in to one another slowly until our lips touched. His lips trembled as the kiss deepened, and he moved his hands to the back of my head. My head and heart pounded as I bit his lip. He began to kiss my neck, and soon slowly pulled away.
He stroked my temple, and asked softly, “Can you feel now?”
I nodded.
For once, I found feeling, I found the words.
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I hope you find your Jeremy.
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Comments
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~It is always cruel to laugh at people, of course, although sometimes if they are wearing an ugly hat it is hard to control yourself...~
I WANT A BOY LIKE HIM.
and i want you to have a boy like this, toooooo.
<3333
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we will fold and freeze together far away from here.I worked so hard on this, I honestly didn't sleep until 7 AM and I'm still somewhat editing it. I love it. It has so much feeling.
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*TheWritersMeow
A birthday is just a day, you say.
But it's a special day.
It's the day you first changed the world.
--
*TheWritersMeow
A birthday is just a day, you say.
But it's a special day.
It's the day you first changed the world.
--
*TheWritersMeow
A birthday is just a day, you say.
But it's a special day.
It's the day you first changed the world.
--
*TheWritersMeow
A birthday is just a day, you say.
But it's a special day.
It's the day you first changed the world.
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