shoot drugs and fall in love

he bit my bottom lip as our kiss diminished and whispered, "there's something somewhat damaged about you."


he could feel it
i knew he could

but instead of words rolling off of my tongue and tears spilling over
i kissed him
and kissed him
and stroked him
and unbuttoned ...
and he ...
and i ...
.. and

+

we laid on my mattress tangled up in each other
with our eyes glazed over and our chests heaving


(i'm so
high on you

i fucking can't get down)

but you did

+

if i went to rehab i wouldn't tell tales of water bongs and drinking games.
it'd be about how you would make patterns across my jawline and down my neck.
of how you smelled better than cannabis, and left a stronger after taste than rum.
if i went to rehab they would all be talking about the way they yearn to inhale chemicals down their throats and feel the warmth of the lighter on their cheeks.
i would dream of your fingers filling the spaces and have your voice whisper sweet lullabies like the way you used to tell me i made the world beautiful.

if i went to rehab i wouldn't talk about my predicaments in group therapy.
i would be in my room closing my eyes tightly and rocking back in forth screaming why
oh why god why are we here why why fuck why are you doing this to us?

i would get no reply

+

if god was on my side
he wouldn't have done this to me

+

it's another day with the same skin i've been bearing, it's weakening
it's another day with a heart more bruised than an arm from heroin injections
and i keep crying at the ceiling
and i keep gripping the spaces in between the tiles

for you

+

i'm scared to fall asleep at night
and dream of you
because i know that when i stir in the morning light

i'll be asking you

to "close the curtains and hurry to bed so you can wrap your arms around me."

you won't be there

+

i keep touching my lips where you last kissed, like a stoner playing with a lighter

i've been so high on you
so high on you



and now i'm down