her face held no expression, and she didn't reply
she didn't reply
i might as well not have gotten out of bed today.
i might as well be -
and sometimes as i'm sitting in the passenger seat, i lose track of where i'm headed. i lose track of the fact that i'm moving, i'm moving somewhere slowly across a map. i'm moving with the world, and i'm just one person out of so many. so fucking many. i watch the rode beneath the tires blur passed us. i watch the clouds drift along with us, the trees look like ghosts. i feel the time move along with us, as the sun falls to the floor and gives up letting the stars take it's place. the moon has painted my skin white, just as i sputter out my words and let them fade out and rise to the sky. sometimes i forget what i look like when everything's as dark as this, but the streetlights flicker across my skin and make me remember - remember i'm fucking here. there are times where i just forget that i'm breathing, that rush of oxygen slowly drifting down my throat and back out; leaving my body, and painting the scenery infront of me, i wonder where it goes. i feel the darkness surround me and the static from the radio fill my ears. and i guess this is the sound, the sound of living until you're dying. the sound, the sights, the feelings of being alive. so why does it feel like i'm slowly moving towards death, why does it feel like it's all ending now. i look up at the roof and wonder whyarewehere, what're we supposed to be chasing after?
what do we do when we're as lost as could be?
how do we get back up from being on the ground for too long?
he didn't reply
i look outside my window and watch as the leaves slowly circle towards the ground. sometimes i wonder if they miss being stuck to their branches all summer long. i wonder how they can have more guts than i do, as they slowly let themselves rush with the wind and when it dies, they don't look afraid to fall. and please, don't let me fall, don't let me crumble, don't let me cry. there's something that keeps pulling at the seams of my clothing, something that's telling me there's just no use. there's just no use to step out of bed and look at myself in the mirror. there's just no use in screaming out my lungs or moving my body to a beat. there's just no use when i could feel nothing. when i could disappear into thin air, and no one would care. there's just no use when no one knows what the fuck i'm doing here. these walls seem paper thin and even the world outside of it isn't moving from the sound of bellowing sobs. i'm whispering - i'm repeating - i'm choking - i'm screaming - i'm thinking god why oh why are you doing this to me? and world why oh why oh hell why are you moving so fast? life why oh fuck why, are you so damn long? why am i already looking forward to the end, why am i chasing something i don't know of? and how can i just get around all of this? how do i stop hurting? why am i still here on the ground, when i feel like i could keep on falling, and going down and down and down. why am i lost, why am i losing - losing everything i never fucking had.
what do i do now
no one's hearing me, no one's catching me, no one's seeing me
no one replied.