a tenuous reverie

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_{one: before i met you i believed in a greater place.}
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i can't help but ponder about the life that's been lived underneath my skin. my brittle bones tell stories of their own, and my lungs passage ways are closing up with too many words breathed into them.

i can't help but wonder if there are beanstalks or creatures living under my bed. maybe there's a world that's better than this one. maybe those incoherent reveries pounding in my membrane and pouring into the mist from my eyes, can come true.

and then i see you
standing there with your back turned to the shore, looking at me instead.

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_{two: first dates and first impressions only last so long, until your eyes open.}
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your fingertips are lightly against my skin and i like it. your lips are sucking on my collarbone and i can tell you're hungry for what's roaming inside of me. i've told you countless times the beast i am, and how you're the beauty. the frog i am, and the prince you are. your teeth are dragging across my skin, etching their way passed my bones and now i'm not sure if i like this chapter.

outer space has clashed with the sky and now it's still. the sun is devouring the stars, everything looks like it's being pulled by a string as the sky is spinning around me.

i can't help but put my hands through my hair and wonder if you have me by a string as well. i'm rummaging through blank fairytales and forgotten myths, they're screaming i'm wrong for looking on the brightside of things.

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_{three: i found out that in our story there's no jurisdiction present. we're stuck in neverland, aren't we?}
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i'm tired of your words rattling my brain and circling underneath my ribcage. i don't want to close my eyes at night and feel the incubus your eyes held. you're letting the phone graze against your jagged shoulder and your cheek, as you ask me where i've been all this time. my breath cuts my insides unexpectedly as i say "i don't know what you mean."

shadows of my past have taken hold and have morphed themselves into my silhouette. i'm walking, i'm counting the steps i'm taking, i'm hoping to god i don't let you see me fall too.

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_{four: i always thought my veins held something other than blood, maybe that was why i was so different from you. doesn't seem to be the case.}
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i'm curled in a ball and i'm pulling at my hairline as i'm screaming pl-please let me live without this. my skin burns for your breath against it, and clashes with the feeling of my ribcage rising into my throat. but you're standing over me and your body it's rattling, and your eyes, they're darkening.

why don't we thank the heavens for what's going on down here?

you yell in vicious syllables down my eardrums, "where the fuck have you been?"  my tears are seeping into the air against my skin and making the skyline turn an indigo shade as my throat tightens. i'm choking on my scream as you grab me by the hair and hold me against the wall.

i'm saying over and over with my eyes shut tightly, "nowhere, nowhere."

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_{five: lets go back to the beginning or wake up.}
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that's when i smell some vague scent of perfume off the seams of your clothing,  your breath is hot and mixed with gin. we're standing in mothball corners and underneath a broken roof. why don't you just face the fact that you've become just as dead as me? we're loveless and we're holding on too long my dear.

no, this reverie isn't a page turner, it doesn't have an ending worth discussing, because there's blood and it's everywhere. our hearts are breaking and it's going nowhere.

this is just another fucking nightmare.